A Post Pondering My Future

Because of where I am in my schooling, people like to ask me this one pesky little question.  It’s, well, pesky.  Not because of the people who ask it, or because of their intentions, but simply because I don’t have an answer that satisfies me.

That question is phrased one of two ways.  Either it’s, “What are you going to do when you get out of highschool?” or it’s, “Are you going to college?”

Here’s my answer in a single word: gah.

I really don’t know, to be honest.  What am I going to do?  I have things I’d like to do when I graduate highschool.  Those things may or may not include getting my own place and meeting some of my friends who live on the east coast.  (And eventually the friend who lives in New Zealand, but she might have to meet me half-way, heh.)  But what am I going to do with my life?

The easiest answer to give is that I want to be a published author.  I’ve been writing for four years and I’ve rewritten the same novel so many times that when people ask me how many novels I’ve written, I honestly don’t know how to answer (which, in effect, makes it seem like I’ve written a lot…right?).  I feel like I might not be…too too far off from being at a state where I can publish.  (Not too too far off means maybe sometime in the next decade, rather than in the next three or seven.  Maybe.)

That’s not the only answer, though.  I mean, what if writing isn’t it?  I don’t think I’ll ever decide I don’t want to be a writer, but what if it doesn’t happen as quickly as I hope?  What if, in twenty years, I’m still here writing novels that I only let myself and the occasional close friend or family member read, and the public doesn’t even know those stories and those exist?  What then?

So I’ve composed a list.  What could I do when I get out of high-school, that I think I’d be happy enough doing as a career?  And every time someone asks me, I pick a random thing from the list, maybe two or three things, and tell them that.

I have, of course, being a published author in the list.  I’ve also entertained the idea of writing, instead of standard novels, comic books, though I’m not entirely sure how that’s much different from being a published author.  I’m sure I’ve also considered writing screenplays.  Away from the writing, though, I’ve also considered doing something with my drawings.  Perhaps, doing commission work, though that doesn’t sound like so much fun.  Or perhaps designing book covers.  Maybe I could do something completely out of my comfort zone, and try my hand at software design/computer programming.  My dad tells me that just by being female, I could have a head-start with that, because apparently people really want women in that field.

But which one?  How in the world do I decide on one?

I think about it a lot.  Sometimes, even to the point that I stress myself out.  Most of the time, I’ll just tell myself that I’ll do…a little of all of it.  I’ll just keep writing until I’m content enough to publish, and I’ll keep drawing until I’m comfortable enough to let people see my drawings before I’ve absolutely perfected them, and maybe one of those things will be my career, or maybe both, or maybe neither.

I admit, though, that I can’t satisfy myself with that.  How can I just say, whatever’ll happen’ll happen and don’t worry about it until it gets here?  I want to know what I’ll be doing for the rest of my life, and so I keep thinking and wondering and pondering.

And that list just gets bigger and bigger.

The latest edition to the list is writing video game stories.  Yeah, okay, that might sound a little weird, but there’s that saying, if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself, right?  Well, I want to see a good video game out there whose intended audience is teenage girls like myself, but the game is fun and adventurous and, well, awesome.  Enough with the zombies and the virtual shopping malls and the skimpy clothing, thank you.  (Not that I’ve seen all three of those in one game before…but I don’t want to.  That’d be nightmarish.  Ick.)

So.  I’ll write one myself.

Will that, or could that, turn into a career?  I’m not sure.  I honestly don’t think I’ll be able to really answer the question, “What am I going to do?” for another few years at the very least.  I guess I just have to be content with that for now.


35 thoughts on “A Post Pondering My Future

  1. Publish soon. That’s an order. *nods*

    I don’t think you have to decide on one thing. ‘Cause somehow you could do all of them at different points of your life, probably.

    Writing video game stories sounds awesome. 😀

        1. Chapter eight. Ohhhh that feels so long ago, hehe…

          YES! You have a whole month in which you can answer PMs and I won’t send you anymore.

        2. And so you spam me instead. *does a happy dance because of my stats* *not really, I didn’t even look at my stats*

  2. I am so bad at making decisions, but surprisingly it was pretty easy for me to decide what I want to be. I want to be a computer engineer and a part time novelist. I totally encourage you to go into software and computer programming because there’s a huge gender gap, and yes, I think you will have an advantage as a female. Plus you can always write on the side so you have a steady income to support you if you haven’t been published yet. It’s a win-win situation.

  3. Oh man, I haven’t checked WordPress in a fortnight! Whoops…

    Publish your stories ASAP Shim. YOU HAVE TO. Brilliance must be seen by more people. *secretly cues inbox to be filled with chapters of some story*

    YES YES. You should definitely travel. Traveling is awesome. Especially if you’re meeting, say, me. Or Peace. But that would be way too unfair, if you got to meet her and I didn’t. 😛

    You still have some time to decide, right? And I mean, lots of people who decide change their minds… Whatever you do do though, your writing is under a curse to be published. Or else.

    1. A fortnight? The last comment I got from you was at the end of January! That’s like a month and a half ago!

      Brilliance? If I knew my books were brilliant, I’d have used them for lamps months ago.
      *considers taking the hinthint that was given to her, or not taking it* *is pretty sure she already emailed you a part, but okay, I’ll see if I have anything more…but I probably don’t*

      Heh. Simple solution: when I visit Peace, I’ll take her with me to your side of the planet, and then all three of us will meet.

      Yes, technically… I am trying to rush it a little, ’cause I’m sort of afraid of not deciding fast enough and ending up spending time doing…nothingness after I graduate highschool, but I don’t know that I have to decide until, well, my last year (and then all I have to decide is whether I want to get into a university right away or not). A curse? That sounds…terrifying. Why is it a curse?

  4. I understand this so much. I’ve rather grown to hate that question…

    Also, I had quite a surprise when I saw one of your progress meters over there with the title “Perfect Silence”–I happen to have a WIP named “Golden Silence”…this is funny and slightly alarming…

    Mine’s about a girl who sings, but injured her vocal chords and can’t sing anymore until they heal. Please, please tell me yours has nothing to do with any such thing…

    1. Oh, hehe, nope, mine’s definitely different. It’s a retelling of the Six Swans fairytale, about a girl who has to save her brothers (because they were turned into swans by their…evil stepmother) by not speaking for six years.

      It is funny how similar the titles are, though…

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